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POLITIKOFF

This is why couples don't discuss their sexual problems

Politiko 2025-02-12 14:15:00

This is why couples don't discuss their sexual problems

Small, everyday "arguments" are inevitable in a relationship.

From money needed for daily needs to child rearing, from housework to leisure activities, a couple has many reasons to disagree.

In most cases, of course, he finds immediate solutions to these minor quarrels. Through conversation, couples manage to understand each other's preferences and communicate better. However, there is one topic of debate that many couples avoid discussing, and that is none other than differences in sexual matters.

Research has shown that couples who talk openly about the sexual problems they face are more satisfied with their relationships.

However, most people would rather have a less than pleasant sex life than engage in such a conversation. So why are so many people afraid to communicate their sexual needs to their partner? That's the question that Canadian psychologist Uzha Rehman and her colleagues tried to answer in a recent study they conducted on communication conflict in couples.

Communicating conflict is always difficult, mainly because it is in our nature to try to avoid negative emotions that increase risk and harm our other half. So, we prefer to let things go as they are.

However, even couples who manage to successfully resolve other types of conflict often have difficulty discussing sexual issues in their relationship. Then, instead of communicating their preferences and learning about their partner, they rely on stereotypical scenarios that orchestrate the sexual act. Instead of “listening” to their need for a change in their daily lives, they keep their fantasies to themselves. Therefore, it is not difficult to understand why couples’ sex lives decline after a few years of marriage.

Previous research has shown that couples avoid communicative conflict because they perceive it as threatening, in three different ways:

Threat to the relationship: They fear that a confrontational conversation will irreparably damage their relationship. In other words, they value their relationship even when they don't feel happy in it, so they would rather say nothing than risk a conflict that could improve it, but could also destroy it.

Threat to the partner. They are afraid that confrontational conversation will hurt their partner. Therefore, they care about their partner's good psychological state even when they themselves are not satisfied with the course of the relationship. And in this case, they prefer to remain silent than to make their partner feel uncomfortable, even if there is a possibility to improve things.

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