Toxic phrases that show your relationship is in trouble

"You don't deserve me"

Language that expresses contempt conveys to the receiver that he is worth less than the sender, which can damage his self-confidence.

For example, someone might say, “You’re lucky I came back to see you.” Instead, you can be clear, honest, and calm in your conversation and say something like, “I’m having a hard time imagining us as a couple right now,” or “I feel like you’re not enough for me, and that’s something I need to work on.”

"You are pathetic"

Labels, especially negative ones, show a lack of appreciation for a person’s complexity and focus our displeasure on a specific and, usually, rare behavior. Instead of using labels, you can simply say what bothered you about their behavior. For example, instead of saying, “You’re pathetic,” say, “I didn’t like the way you handled that particular situation.”

“You are acting crazy.”

Language that distorts reality, with the aim of creating doubts in the other about their behavior, is called "gaslighting" and refers to the way the speaker perceives reality.

In an intense moment, for example, you might say to your partner, “The problem is all in your head. You’re acting irrationally and acting like a madman.” In this case, it would be better to try to express yourself calmly and explain what you don’t like about your partner’s behavior in a constructive way. For example, say, “I think your reaction to the situation is making things worse.”

“I hate you”

The words we use in an intense, negatively charged moment, which reflect what we are feeling at the time but not our feelings for a person in general, can be destructive. They create uncertainty, even when things are calm in our relationship. Instead of being so direct and absolute, try taking a deep breath before saying something you don’t mean. Say something that will help you not destroy your relationship and continue the conversation later: “I can’t speak clearly right now or be around you.”

"We're done"

Like "I hate you," saying things during an argument that imply that your relationship is over or that you want to break up creates uncertainty and instability in your relationship. After that, your partner may find it difficult to trust you and feel like your relationship is hanging by a thread. It's best to avoid them altogether.